It's one day short of a month since I updated. And that wasn't even a true update. You know nothing about what has happened so far. I'm done with drivers ed, except one class and 4 more driving times. Supposed to get my license on the 17th. I hope I don't fail. Dear lord, don't let me fail. If I do fail, it's over. I don't get a second chance. We're out of here the 22nd and theres nothing I can do about it.
I was supposed to go see Josiah tomorrow with Cara. But now I can't cause I have to go to drivers ed in the morning. I'll find a way to get to him. I will....I hope.
Justin comes back from camp in two days. That's pretty cool. I want to see him again.
There are so many people that I'd like to see before I go. But truth is, I don't think they could care less whether they see me again or not. That really sucks.
I don't want to leave this place. I can't do it. I'm trying to be strong. I really am. I'm trying to look at the bright side of it all. I want to get excited about it. But I can't. I can't stand the thought of losing everything I have. Most people may not see it as a lot. I don't have that many friends but the few that I do have, well, I can't live without them. In the world, I don't feel accepted. But to my friends, it's like, I know they don't give a shit about what the rest of the world thinks. They care about me, and goddamnit, I care very deeply about them too.
I really don't know if I can do this. I can't start over. I'm not strong enough.
This boy at work, Adam, he's a cool kid. We were folding pizza boxes and i was telling him that I was moving and he was just like "aww and you have to leave your friends...etc etc" but then he was like
"but then you'll get down there and you'll make tons of friends. You could be the most popular girl there."
I was just kinda like
and he was like
"No, really, you never know, they don't know you past or anything. You might be the hottest thing they've ever seen"
and even though it's not realistic at all, it was comforting that he said that.
But even with that, even if I did think that could happen, it's not going to be the same. Nothing's ever going to be the same to tell you the truth. I know I'm not going to lose touch with who I have here. I love them more than anything. I'd do anything for them. I'd die for them. But even with that, it's not going to be the same.
My sister is screaming about how much her life sucks and how no ones life is worse than hers. Holy fuck. She's 18 and she's worse than I was at 13. She's a moron and needs to get a grip of reality. So many people are worse off than her. She MAKES her life bad. Basically by staying with Stevie. Fucking moron. I hate her so much sometimes. She makes me realize what this world is fucking coming to. Stupid ass woman staying with controlling men who beat them and make them feel like shit. Everyone, if you love me, never let me end up like that. Knock me senseless until I realize shit.
I think I'm done now. I have today and tomorrow off from work. I want to get my LJ up and running on a daily basis again. I'm going to do a new lay out soon too. Don't know what yet though.
I love you all. Take care and be happy. Please, seriously, be happy.